This will be the fourth time I’ve seen Haley’s comet.

I’ve figured out how to live to be a hundred. Live to 99, and then be REALLY careful for the next year!

I'm so old, when I as a kid, the Dead Sea was still alive!

I’m growing old by myself……my wife hasn’t had a birthday in years!

I used to be “regular”. I used to have a bowel movement EVERY morning at 7 AM! Unfortunately I didn’t get out of bed until 8:00 AM!

I went to the doctor and he told me I could go any time now. I said “that’s good, because I haven’t gone in the past three days”!

At my age, “getting a little action” means the prune juice has kicked in!

It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything……

My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. Now, she’s 72 and we don’t have any idea where she is.

There is an advantage to being 107 years old. No peer pressure!

I’m not afraid of dying. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

I firmly believe that death is not the end of it all. There’s still the litigation over the estate…….

I went to see a friend at an old folks home. I asked my friend “Do you know who I am”? He said “No, but if you go to the front desk, they’ll tell you”!